It’s Always Easiest

It’s always easiest in the beginning, when everything is new, the computer is as fast as it will ever be, and the ideas flow freely from my fingertips to the key board. That is when I find writing the easiest, if not as fulfilling as it usually is.

It gets harder when the daily grind sets in. When the troubles and trials of life take up my time and attention, pulling me in every direction possible, away from the escape that is writing for me. When, even though I’ve sat down, laptop in place, the ideas seem to evaporate before I can put figurative pen to paper.

But those are the hard fought, insightful posts that make me realize I was born to write, to record my little blip of time in this life. The very act of sitting here, struggling to put my thoughts in coherent (to me) sentences somehow makes the struggle worth it. I can’t explain it any better than that, and I won’t try to because at the end of the day, it only has to make sense to me. Do I hope my words will inspire someone? Every writer does, and they’re lying to you if they say otherwise. But its not the end of the world if only I take comfort in knowing I got my ideas out there.

An Update of Sorts

He'd kill me if he knew I posted this :-)

He’d kill me if he knew I posted this :-)

In a phrase, I’m surviving. The heat has been making life difficult, and we’ve had a couple speed bumps this past month. For the second year in a row, our air conditioner gave out just as it was heating up. The repair man couldn’t get out to us until the next day, so I had to stay home and wait in the heat for him to come fix it. And of course he needed parts he didn’t have to fix it, so he had go track them down and get approval from the insurance to purchase them. All told, it didn’t get fixed until late that afternoon when it had already heated up to pretty much unbearable temperatures inside.

Needless to say, I had a migraine that day. And it lasted for four days.

The a/c in our car has been acting up as well. We have to be doing freeway speeds for it to kick in, or it just blows hot. About half of our commute home is side streets, so this has been a problem. We’re hopefully getting it fixed on Wednesday, but there’s no telling how much it is going to cost so of course that has both of us worried.

All the stress isn’t good for me either, so I’ve been having more panic attacks. There is a chance I might be pregnant, so I’ve been avoiding taking my medication, and to be honest I’m not coping well. I have an appointment to see my psychiatrist in a couple of weeks, so hopefully he will be able to help me deal without using medication.

I’m sorry my posting has been infrequent, I’m just not feeling it lately.

Down, but not out

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I can’t get in to see the neurologist until July 22nd, which means I will be without a control medication until at least then. Needless to say, I’m concerned especially since the heat is a particularly gnarly trigger for me. I’m not looking forward to the next month, needless to say.

The good news is, I also finally found an allergist and they can see me on July 2nd, so hopefully getting my allergies under control will help with the severity and duration of the migraines. I’ve noticed in the past that when I’m taking something for my allergies the migraines don’t last as long, and the symptoms that accompany a migraine aren’t quite as debilitating for me. So not the complete relief I need, but I’m trying my hardest to remain positive through this. I hate relying on my emergency pills for my migraines, but I don’t have much of a choice until I can get into see the neurologist.

And of course my head starts pounding as I’m writing this. Goodnight :-)

I have decided…

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A mix of personal and “non-personal” blogging is probably going to be best for me.

I went to my doctor today, and I left feeling even more hopeless than when I walked into the office. My migraine medication has been giving me problems, so my doctor told me to stop taking it. Today, she told me she wants me to go see a neurologist, which means I will be off my control medication until I am able to get into see a neurologist. I’ve been off it for just under two weeks and I’ve already gone through all of my emergency pills. And I’m not sure when I’ll be able to get in to see a neurologist.